So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
