I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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