just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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