Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
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