I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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