im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
