How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
