she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
