I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
