the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
