Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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