Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Everything about him screamed your future.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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