so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
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