u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
