here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
