It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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