i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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