Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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