Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
