apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
