she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
