Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
