i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
