bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
