is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
