I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
