Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
