So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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