So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
