As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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