Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
