I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
