I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Pants are for mortals
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
