i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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