i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
