i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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