Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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