Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
