drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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