I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
