i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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