her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I want to fling myself into the sun
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
