yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I wish there were birth control emojis
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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