And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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