haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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