yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
