So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
