Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
