We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
