Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
