Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
