If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
